Turning My Life Around

I received an email that my local grocery store was having a hiring fair yesterday. I had applied online, but as we all know if you aren't standing in front of them, you are just a name and number. So I gussied myself up and walked in. I was so nervous it was physical shaking and I couldn't relax my shoulders.  He interviewed us standing in line. OMG it was nerve racking. 

He had several Customer Clerk positions available, aka grocery baggers and buggie corralers. I said sure and he said he would call me at the end of the fair to come back up to complete the paperwork. Sure enough I got the job. This was the moment the panic began. What the fuck have I done? Like I need anymore stress and anxiety in my life. What had I done. 

I was trying to let go and let God. Breathing in, breathing out. I don't know when I start, but it is after a background check. Then the training begins and then I will be on the floor. 

It is a blessing, I know this. 20 hours in the evening and weekend. I haven't stayed up until 9 pm in years. Not sure how I am going to manage this. The grocery store is very close to home so I cannot complain about that. It is all perfect. 

The problem is, I am not perfect. I am a big mess of nerves and fears. Why am I so afraid to go bag groceries for a couple of hours, a couple nights a week.  The mental game is the part of anxiety that is the worst. I probably have a week or more before anything starts and that is a long time to be lost in my head.

​However, I can say, I got the job!