The lost cause job.

Another week and another week of being ignored regarding when I can and can't work. I just keep trying to go with the flow. I really like this job. I really need this job. However they don't seem to want me. I know I am the squeaky wheel and am asking a lot from them, but I was told this was acceptable, even sounded normal when I first was hired. 

Now, almost a month in, I am being punished by scheduling me during the day when I cannot work because I have a day job. Then while standing next to two baggers who weren't doing anything but standing there I was called out for standing at one check out stand and just bagging at that one check out stand. It seems we are supposed to "bounce" between stands and not attach ourselves to one single stand. It didn't matter that I had been bagging non-stop that day, just that I wasn't bouncing. This was also explained to me in a public forum, which kinda stung. I am not used to public correction. 

Any how, it just sucked. So I bounced from stand to stand for the rest of my shift. I would get stuck at one stand for a while and have to remind myself to bounce my ass over to another station, even as a new customer was entering the check out stand. Man this is a weird rule and it makes no sense to me. I am too worried to ask the Assistant Manager for fear of being made to feel even more stupid. 

So, the next time you get in queue at the grocery store and see your bagger leaver just as your items start to roll down the convyer belt, just know that is called bouncing and you my friend have been bounced.

My schedule for this week is inconvenient to my day job, but not the end of the world. What is the end of the world in my schedule for the following week. Okay, my bipolar friends, what is one of the most fundamental self care items we are supposed to do every day?

Get and maintain a good sleep schedule. I guard my sleep like a soldier guarding a princess. My schedule two weeks from now has me closing the damn store at 12 am. I haven't stayed up until midnight in many, many years. So I am supposed to stay away for three hours past my normal bedtime and then come home wound up and not ready to go to sleep. It also means I will be keeping my boy friend up when he has to be awake and alert at 7 am. He has to be ready for a full day of being attentive. 

Twice that week, I have to stay up until midnight. I feel like they are fucking with me because I am asking not to work until 5 pm Monday through Friday. I don't know why they are so angry at my request. I know there are other people who have second jobs as most of the staff at this store do not get 40 hours a week (I believe only management gets full-time hours).

I want to tell them I have bipolar and can't work til midnight, but I also don't want to give them any more fuel to hurt me with. It just doesn't seem fair to be messed with so purposefully when I am not making it up, that I was told this would not be a big deal.  I wish that manager would come back to this store and straighten out this mess he helped create.  But I can't imagine he would defend me. I am just a tiny person in this big corporation. It seems for every 15 baggers they bring in, maybe only 2 will stick. I had hoped to be one of those two. 

My night is going to be filled with stress and repetitive thoughts circling round and round, keeping me stressed and anxious. Tonight's lack of sleep will be as bad as working until 12 am.