I can't believe how hard it is to come off a med and start a new one. Because of my depression creeping back in it was decided that I would come off my abilify and start Geodon. I am on a low does of Abilify so it is just a week to come off it. I have had to wait to start the Geodon as my pharmacy doesn't have it and was going to need to pull it from several different sources. Doesn't that sound like a winner from the word go. I went and had my lithium level checked at the same time.
My psych nurse shops at my grocery store and when she sees me she always stop to discreetly ask me how I am doing. Normally like many of you, I say "I am fine." even when I am not. Instead I looked at her and stated I am not good. She replied that my lithium level was at the bottom of theraputic and to take one more pill to see if we could boost it.
By doing so, we are back to the 1200 mg's I was on this summer when I felt good. When I felt so good I asked if we could lower things to see if I would do well on less meds. What a mistake that was. I felt good at that time. Now I feel like utter hell. So this is day 2 of adding in the extra Lithium pill.
I want results now, but I know it will take weeks to get everything in my system at just the right amounts. I also know that this new med may not work.
At my appointment, I asked if we were running out of options for meds that are in my price range and was told yes. That kinda sucked to hear, but I know they want me on the newer meds and I just can't afford them.
I just feel like a mess. I am so tired. I am so weary. I could curl up in my covers and just stare at the ceiling and sleep. I just want to sleep. I just don't want to function. Actually I don't feel like I can function. I can't focus. I can't listen. I feel flat and deflated.
I am still aware enough to know that this will pass. I know that either the new meds will help or that they won't and I have a follow up appointment in two weeks. I also know I can leave a message that I am not doing well and that I will get a phone call.
I know all of that so dispair hasn't taken over. I am hovering around in that void, that is neither bad nor worse. No suicidal thoughts, just overwhelm.
Just wanted to share this sad update, so we can appreciate when I am feeling better.