If your life continues on the path you are on, what will it be like in five years?
Honestly, it would be very boring and painful to watch unfold. I don't feel very exciting now. To go meet new people would be unbearable. I wouldn't have a great deal to speak about. I would feel very jealous of the people who were glittery and witty and who were living a life of experiences. I would feel jealous in general. If my life stayed the same, I would still be overweight and not look like I remember myself looking a mere 5 years ago. I would still be broke and living paycheck to paycheck. Which wouldn't be awful except I wouldn't be broke and happy, creating and being of service. I would just be broke and bored. If my life stayed the same, would be so bored I would fall into a long, dreadful depression. If my life stayed the same, would be lonely. I worry sometimes I might die of loneliness. What do I need to change to stop this terrible future from happening? I need to find my creativity again and start making something, anything. I need to read more and see more movies to fill my mind with interesting concepts and ideas. I need to go out with my girlfriends to stay in touch with my feminine side. I need to go out on more adventures and people watch with my boyfriend. I need to taste so many different things to fill my soul. I need to keep up my workouts and know that each day, each rep is leading me to a stronger body. I need to find a new job to humor my need for people interaction every day and to earn more money. It is so easy to isolate yourself when you are feeling depressed. I need conversation and connection or I have little reason to get out of bed, regardless of the consequences. It is so easy to get buried by the weight of this question. Daily, I wonder if anything I am doing matters, really matters. I love the question of do I want to take the small changes that keeps me from reliving this year, over and over again. Until my next depression cycle, I am choosing to take the baby steps towards change. How about you? What do you need to do to alter your current path?
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AuthorI am Mental Melissa and I have Bipolar. I am looking to connect with others suffering with this disease and the people who take care of us! Archives
November 2019
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