I am so scared of being rejected because I have special needs to work.
I am on year 7 of this need to work around my kids school drop off and pick up schedule, but my last employer hated the schedule I needed. They allowed my to work the part-time schedule, but not without showing irritation that someone else had to take up my slack. Since I am looking for work, I am having weird dream often. Last night I dreamed I was hire back and I was inundated with negative talk that they were having to deal with my hours again. This dream was complete with nasty scowls. I don't know why they hired me back knowing they were going to be disappointed. It seemed no one remembered all of the good work I did or that I did work a great deal of overtime, I just had to pick up my kids at 3 pm when school got out.
Now I am again looking for work and I have a running commentary in my head telling me no one is going to hire me because I am too difficult and don't carry my weight and that it is too hard to remember my stupid scheduling needs. I feel that I don't deserve a good job. I feel like I don't have anything to offer an employer, that because of my schedule I am worthless. I don't feel like I am worth asking them to make this exception of my hours, even though I know I could be the best thing for their business. I forget that in the moment when I have to tell them my hours conflict.
I am trying to shut down the negative bipolar self talk but it is very ingrained and ever present in who I am. What are some ways you shut down the negative talk in your head?