I am back home in CO!
The trip went so much better than I had expected. I had been taking the Propranolol twice a day for the prior week to help with the crushing anxiety I was experiencing. I am so glad I spoke up at my therapy appointment, telling her how bad the anxiety was. She suggested the twice a day addition to my med cocktail to just take the edge off and it did, without any haze from a benzo.
I had to work the night before and got home in the late evening. I was so worried I wouldn't sleep and didn't want to take a full seroquel in fear of being a zombie and not being able to function, so I only took a half pill. I slept like the dead and had no problem waking up. Another win for my med cocktail.
We arrived a day early to allow for one day of relaxing before the possible difficult days. It was a well planned day by my boyfriend. We went to two tide pools to search for little creatures, we went to a beach that had sea lions soaking up the sun. The weather the entire trip was unseasonably warm and felt magical. We had breakfast at a cafe with an ocean view and watched surfers trying to catch waves.We ended the day with a sushi dinner on a roof top patio facing the ocean. My boyfriend got us to the restaurant 30 minutes before sunset, so we ate while watching a beautiful ocean sunset. The first day was relaxing and fun. Not until a wee bit later did the anxiety hit me hard about what could happen the next day.
We found my exhusband and daughter and hung out with them to catch a glimpse of our son. We spent family day together the five of us. Conversations were easy and the whole focus was on our son. The person I was expecting to ignore me or slight me arrived later in the afternoon. The first few minutes were a little tense, then they turned their focus on my son and everything became light. There was so much good laughter and so many smiles. We let my son lead the day and try to accomplish all of the last minute items he needed to do prior to graduation.
He lead us all around and we even managed to cram a musuem trip in. All while being a group of nice, relaxed adults. I couldn't have imagined a better day. With my anxiety, I couldn't imagine a good day with all of us together at all. So I was so pleased.
The whole day was about putting our kids first and foremost and giving them a good experience. There was zero conflict to stress them out. Again, it was heaven.
The next day we found two seats together in the bleachers for graduation. I assumed my ex husband and daugter had arrived early as they had the day before and were already sitting in primo seats. Then they walked by us and it became obvious that they had just arrived and couldn't find any seats at all. Out of the freakin blue, the couple in front of us left their seats. My boyfriend was able to grab them while I called my ex husband. Sure enough, he did want the seats and he and our daughter were able to sit where we would all have an excellant view of the graduation ceremony.
It has always been my hope and belief that my ex husband and I were capable to getting along enough to make life easy on our kids. We have had family meetings in my house, we have shared meals together and now we have speant a full day being a blended family.
A lot of this is able to happen because I am medicated. I am able to be in the middle and not riddled with anxiety. Not that anxiety doesn't grab hold of me often, but being honest with my therapist, I am able to take steps to change or adjust meds to help me be at my best.
As a special gift for our kids. I caught my ex husband off guard and asked for a family photo of the four of us. It is a good photo. I will get it printed for the kids. One photo, daughter, mom, son and dad, 2019.