No sooner did my Geodon get back into my system than I ran out of it. I am not certain what my doctor wrote, but I have two weeks left to go and no pills. And my insurance won't let me get any more as I am still in the same 30 day window. I want to admit defeat. I need to call my doctor, but I don't want to. I want to just wait until my next appointment and deal with it then. I feel like why even take this pill. I still don't feel any better. I am endlessly tired, my stomach hurts and I just feel bad. I don't want to be awake. And it is cold.
I haven't been able to nap as my neighbor started construction between our houses. She is digging a basement room that she will turn into an apartment. Our houses are not terribly far apart and there is this massive bobcat thing that barely fits in between our two houses and it is digging out a basement. The noises coming from the construction sound as if my house is being hit and dug out too. Tons of startling booms and scrapes means no sleep for me. We have 6 months of this shit so I am hoping to figure out lunch time to run in, curl up and fall asleep. Like that's going to happen, right? Two days of no naps and I feel even more weary than normal.
My house is also stressing me out. I am in cardboard box hell. These are still left over from Christmas. All of them, just sitting in my living room. I shuffle past them several times a day. I decided to cut down two of them. Just two but it is a start. I will take these two out to the trash can when I head out to go pick up my daughter from school. Maybe I will do two more tomorrow. It's just that my house is in a cluttered mess. I can't keep it picked up. Every flat surface has stuff. Stuff that I really just want to sweep into a garbage bag without looking at what I am throwing away.
In the two months since I started feeling like hell again, everything has fallen apart in my house.
I feel like my depression is contagious to my daughter and my boyfriend. They both seem in a funk as well. I can't blame them. If all I ever heard from me was how tired I am, I would start to feel tired too. How awful is to live with someone who is depressed? How awful is it to be with someone who can't muster the energy to laugh or get in the shower?
It is so quiet in my house during the day. (other the new construction). All I can do is listen to my thoughts and the ringing in my ears. I don't like being home alone all day. It is driving me batshit.