Future Trippin

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time? Listen mate am just tryin to make it to Friday."

One of my worst faults is future tripping. I can lose an entire afternoon or evening worrying about the future. This is one of my major anxiety inducing time consumers. I often worry about what my future looks like. Will my bipolar keep getting worse as I age? Will I be too much to handle that my kids won't be able to support me? Will they not want me around their kids? Will I become so unpredictable that I won't be able to function and take care of myself? Will I ever have financial security again? Will I ever feel like I measure up in the normal person world? Will I stay physically healthy or will 30 years of bad choices start to take their toll? What does the last 30 to 40 years of my life look like? Will I be active and of sound mind; or will I be a huge burden? Will I be able to live by myself? Will I want to live? Will I be able to wipe my own ass? Will my children through away all of my stuff that means so much to me?

Other days I want to find the "thing" that will make my soul sing. I wonder if I will ever find my place in this world? Will I find a way to use my voice to help others? Will I find my own personal way to be of service? Will I leave a legacy of love? Will I leave peace to my children or chaos? 

Heavy thoughts that choose to run through my brain as soon as I lay my head down at night. 

What thoughts do you future trip on?  Are yours on an automatic replay loop or do you get hit with new worries with regularity? What are your biggest triggers or worries?

Me, I am just tryin to get to Friday!