Guilt

Repeat as as mantra to myself. You are not a bad mother, period. You are not a bad mother, period. You are not a bad mother, period. You are not a bad mother, period. You are not a bad mother, period.

I drove my daughter up to her job today since I am off work. We really didn't get to spend any time together this visit as she had a concert to go to and I had to work. I feel a lot of guilt in how crappy the time was.

As I drove, I was coordinating having her this weekend. I have to work Friday so I can't pick her up after her shift is up. So I thought, I will just pick her up Saturday morning before I go to work. Then she remembered she has to work Saturday, so no I can't pick her up. I also can't pick her up Monday or Tuesday due to my work schedule. I am so crushed. I miss getting to see her, even if it is just teenage fly by's from her bedroom to the kitchen and back. The house is so quiet when the kids are not here.

I am not a bad mother, period. What the fuck ever. I am letting my job come before my daughter. I feel a lot of guilt. I feel a lot of sadness. 

I am not a bad mother. I am doing the best that I can. When I can do more, I will do more. 

You are not a bad mother, period.