I just got dinner cleaned up. I had a houseful tonight. There are six of us in our family. But tonight my daughter had her boyfriend over and my son had two friends over to help with school. As I was making dinner I could feel the panic and embarrassment start heating up my neck and face because I was stressing would I have enough to feed all of these people? I hadn't known we would have a full house when I went grocery shopping.
I was worried that my kids would be disappointed in me if I didn't have enough to share. Not that they would say anything, but like how to I call them to dinner and have their guest sit in the bedrooms until we are done. My head plays through all of my options while I try and remain calm. Several little movies with as many different outcomes as my mind can think of. Do I plate it out and just text my kids to come out? Do I plate tiny little servings so everyone can have some? It was horrendous. My mind is quite negatively creative.
I found an extra jar of marinara sauce and poured it with the two cans I had bought for this meal. I used as many noodles as I could find in the cabinet. I just kept anxious swallowing and just kept stirring. Two people wanted only butter noodles and the rest want spaghetti. I had enough for everyone and some small seconds. All that was left was one small single serving size tupperware container. In the end, I had just enough to feed the whole damn houseful.
I did it. I didn't panic. Can't say why I didn't or what I did to keep it at bay, but I made it through dinner. Next spaghetti night I will buy an extra can of sauce. I have to watch that too as I tend to horde shit like that thinking I need more than I can uses.
I don't have any good tricks for dealing with anxiety. Normally it washes over me and knocks me to my knees. Other than learning how to cope with my bipolar, learning to cope with my anxiety is my next lesson. How do you cope or process your anxiety attacks? I would love to learn some new tricks and tips! Leave me your favorite down in the comments!
My lilacs are in bloom and the smell on my front porch is heaven. It is so worth planting them on either side of your entry to enjoy a week of this smell. See, I am doing better. I stopped and smelled the lilacs and found some joy!
I forgot to let you know, you can find me on Instagram @mental_melissa. I love posting photos!
My painful journey through divorce is at www.strongstartingnow.com
You can also find me on Facebook as Mental Melissa
See you on the social media!
Hey! Do you have Bipolar? I sure do. I have had some tortured years with this illness. I am coming up from a very nasty depression. My worst yet! I slept endlessly, had no appetite and couldn't get myself into the shower to save my life.
I feel a little bit better after 5 months of depression. I am eating and showering again. I still could sleep forever. I want to take you through the past year so you can see you are not the only one on this roller coaster.
I also have a podcast I started a year and a half ago. For some of you it may be too much to hear me speaking when my depression hit me. Blogging should be a softer approach to sharing my story. For those of you who like a little emotion, head on over to my totally non-professional podcast at Itunes or Spotify under Mental Melissa.
This is my first post. Check back often to see how I am doing. Can't wait to hear from you.